All of the Velveteen

Want

No one else will sit in the back of your green Jeep and watch silent movies because you let the battery die.
I know I should despise you, but it doesn’t come easily and neither do I.
You were the first one to smash me into the blue.
I wish I could have met you now instead of way back when.
Then maybe I would be one inhibition less and you would be ready to know me and know what you want.
I had a dream that we stole away and fell into each other. 
I was lying on your chest, not yet wanting to move, enjoying my fingertips sliding down the length of your body.
The sensation made you quiver and the anticipation for something harder was killing you softly.
Awakening, I tried to return to you, but even with my eyes closed you were fading.
You left the silhouette of your body burning in my mind.
Maybe I was holding back, but I have never reigned before, never cried in the rain before, never taken the reins before.
You delivered a crushing blow and left me flat and disillusioned.
Yet still I want.
The wanting is all-consuming.
Wanting not necessarily you, simply I want.
I want what I want you to be.

One Woman

Telepathic wires flicker; the sciatic nerves of a fantastic two-headed monster.
He shrinks before us, they all do.
Shake for us.
He’s all teeth and no lips.

Fingers encircle us like a ring, quivering back and forth like electric disciplinarians.
He attempts to name us, they all do.
Shame on us.
He’s now fingerless.

Our premonition descends upon us and we drink, pouring shadows down our throats.
He wants to fuck her tonight, they all do.
See her in the light.
Still dark and entirely true.

The caverns in your ears ring, drinking in the ferocious percussion of our bones.
He covers his ears, they all do.
For years they burn.
We have so much to say.

Our rockstars and love letters catch on fire, pieces blowing across the parking lot.
He knows how to lose her, they all do.
Nothing is news to her.
You’re just not used to her.

Tonight a new lover enters the ring, firing his body into hers in the backseat.
He knows we are infinite, they all do.
We diminish nonetheless.
She will go west.

One woman, the only woman to have and not to hold.

Preservation

Apprehensive this morning, I see everything in shades of grey.
Only your eyes are black.
The air is muted and thin, a moist veil over my body.

I cannot tell you my secrets.
I may break into little pieces.
It could happen today.

But they say I have been crafted well, a bone with a blazing petroleum veneer.

Keep it together
, they say.
We’re not in it together, I tell them.
Forever is something we will never understand.