Neil Moser

Hailing from a long line of Pennsylvania Dutch farmers, whom I know nothing about, I currently reside in Kitchener, Canada with my man, my dog and the girl upstairs. I love backcountry excursions and exploring new cities; discovering new indie rock bands and putting Missy Elliott on repeat; a healthy lifestyle and chocolate chip cookies. By day, I am a buyer and marketing manager for an independent eyewear boutique. By night, I am sleeping.

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Timeline

1986

Shit my pants because I was having too much fun playing with Rodney to go inside and use the washroom.

1991

Developed my first girl crush on Tina.

2000

Graduated Grand River Collegiate Institute as “who’s most likely to dance on Electric Circus.”

2002

Came out of the closet.

2003

Experienced my first penis (other than my own).

2006

Escaped South Korea with the help of my Korean Mafia Family.

2009

Strangled by Jenn’s deranged husband, thus no longer friends with Jenn.

2010

Met my ultimate friend, lover and partner, Troy, who inspired me to enjoy the simple things in life, be responsible, be healthy, be strong; he has stoked my creativity and encouraged me to share my stories.

2012

Much to the dismay of one nasty bitch, met Nicole who is the yin to my yang and my sounding board; together we developed a symbiotic creative relationship.

2016

Met Maressa, who thought I was bougie, but she said, okay maybe, and has since inspired me to think in different ways and to engage in passionate, friendly discourse.

1981

Escaped my mother’s vagina.

1991

Developed my first boy crush on a camp counsellor.

1996

Much to the dismay of the jock population, became best friends with Sarah who inspired me to write and have perverted conversations.

2002

Said goodbye to religion.

2005

Met Jenn in a small dirty pub in Seoul who inspired me to be crazy and not give a shit about what other people think.

2006

Published my first book of poetry.

2007

Met Laurie who inspired me to let go of the things I was holding onto and pick up new things.

2009

Saw Beyoncé with Mom.

2010

Started writing Fun with Dick.

2014

Stranded on an island with Troy.

2016

Rescued Kindlebird Feathertoes.

2018

Troy designed this website so I could share all of my writing with you.